Insane

Perhaps I expected too much from myself. Not anyone else but myself. Starting of the year, I reflected a lot because of that incident. I'm not what I want myself to be. I wanted to change everything, everything in my life so that I can get the happiness back by myself. I thought it was easy...

Things wasn't smooth... I swear... It's like the toughest year I ever been through. I blamed myself and god for the unfair treatment. God took away everything. Almost everything;my loved ones... Grandmere's death is the most heartbreaking thing happened. Never felt so scared before.

However, things became so much better when Cn entered my life... Things wasn't that bad no matter what. Life's great. As a girl, all u need is concern. I have gotten mine. I'm contented.

It's me, I'm the only source that caused invisible stress to myself... I can't smile... Having to force it out sometimes because I don't wanna explain. No one can understand how I feel. Perhaps it's because I used to be a perfectionist. When I wrote just a wrong word, I'll just replace with a new paper and rewrite. It sounds crazy but that how weird I am last time. So I tend to expect a lot. Too much for me to even handle.

I should stop giving myself nonsense stress, seriously. Shall relax and love my life.

Oh! And it's the 1st! happy together my dear! He will be preparing smth nice after my work:D